“…There is a man…for lack of better word, a man. Like others before him and many after him he has eyes….but oh! his eyes. Not blue, green, brown, but, a mixture of them all. They get brighter and brighter as I come closer and closer. It’s these eyes that make this man glow, not glow, but burn. Burn in a shroud of green. He has a mind that looks at the tip of a pin and sees angels dancing. This is a man, for me, from which all other men will be judged. He is strong like like Atlas still he carries the weight of the world. Twice, maybe four times in a while I give him my arms to do with what he wishes. Then his weight is lifted and he can sleep. Oh what a man. He brings flowers with every word and storms and gales and waves towering over everything I have with every tear. This I vow……Forever you will be in my heart, no, in my soul. Your name is written on the inside of my skull and cannot, will not be erased. Thank you for all that you are. I love you for all that you aren’t…”
I’ve realized love is not JUST ONE. It isn’t just one person, it cannot be something that comes along just once. It is a process, and a job you enjoy waking up for and a bit of kit you can pick up and carry with you as long as you deem it to be real. Love can do the things you hear in movies: “It gave me wings”, “It was like hitting a home run” but really love lasts as long as both people involved remain relevant to eachother. — one is sick, the other stays and cares while, still sick, the other shows in any way they can that you’re needed and welcome and inspirational. That is love. I’ve experienced something like that but we both made ourselves irrelevant to each-other. We cared, we supported, we did the things……. just not enough to put our egos and our regrets for the decisions and the short comings we’ve made and dealt/deal with aside. To “ride off into the sunset” both of you (us) need(ed) to be in the same boat so to speak. Confidence, self respect, drive, and so on.
There is a trip in my near future. It will see this boy on the cobbles of old Oxford Town once again. There is a boy there. Oh does he love me so! And I love him. I think we’re in the same boat but alot of time has passed. Does absence make the heart grow fonder? I do not know. I do know that I will cuddle that boy as soon as i see him. We will have a nice meal and a chat and speak about things we miss. After that we’ll take it slow and see if we can be relevant again.
There is a couple I know. It’s their second marriage ( for both). They are supportive, ultimately supportive. Through lost jobs, their kids (and spouses) needing a roof over their heads, laziness, soccer games, and furniture re-arranging, the only constant I saw, and still see, is support. Un-wavering support. They’re smart and have been through it all once before. Bless them. One day it’ll be the same for me…..and you. We are worth it and we’ll get it right.
-this note is for US. All of us. We who have loved and lost and wanna try again. Next time around we might stumble upon someone with all the things that can let us wake up with a smile 4 out of 7 days of the week……at least.
-Your boyfriend for the evening